Glossary

Committed Relationship:

Choosing to close all doors and exits and stay in the relationship through bad times as well as good. Problems are solved or lived with, and are not reasons for leaving the relationship. Benefit is security, family, companionship, achieving long-term goals, ability to deepen learning, intimacy and love over time in ways unique to a long-term committed relationship. Many challenging problems are solved in a relationship only with commitment and perseverance. Breaking up a committed relationship should be an absolute last resort (especially when children are involved) as this choice is typically extremely costly and creates as many problems as it solves. For this reason, a committed relationship should not be entered into before having clarity about who you are, what you want, and having the knowledge and experience that this relationship is right for you.

Dating:

The process of socializing and spending time with a variety of people for the purpose of having fun. The practice of dating one person at a time for the purpose of testing if a relationship would work we refer to as “serial monogamy” or the “mini-marriage”. Typically, the sole criterion for dating someone is that they are attractive and willing. The difference for someone who is ready for a committed relationship and seeking their Life Partner is that they will consciously sort and screen prospects until they find a high-likelihood candidate, then enter a pre-committed relationship.

Life Partnership:

A long-term, committed relationship, with full intention of being together for the rest of your lives. Both parties are fully committed to the relationship by choice and dissolving the partnership is not considered an option, except as an absolute last resort after much time and good faith effort. A decision to enter into a Life Partnership is best made with the utmost self-awareness and conscious commitment.

Life Purpose:

Practicing your highest values which give your life meaning and direction. the difference you want to make while you are alive and the legacy you want to leave behind when you are gone.

Needs:

Events that must occur in your relationship for you to be content or happy. An unmet need will result in an “issue”, and must be addressed for you to successfully function in the relationship. Needs are persistent over time. There are usually many ways to meet a need.

Pre-commitment:

An exclusive relationship with the goal of determining if this relationship is a good long-term choice. Making a good long-term relationship choice requires clarity about who you are and what you want, and experiencing that you can get what you really want in this relationship.

Recreational Relationship:

Spending time with someone for the purpose of having fun (see “Dating“).

Requirements:

Non-negotiable events and qualities required for a relationship to work for you. If one is missing the relationship will not work and you have an unsolvable problem.

Scouting:

The process of finding people to meet. A successful single scouts in high quality, closely aligned “Attraction Venues” and has an effective network/support system scouting for them as well.

Screening:

The process of getting enough information to determine if a prospective partner meets your Requirements or not. Since Requirements are relationship breakers, all of them must be met. Getting this information can occur over the telephone, by e-mail, over coffee, or taking a walk. If you are looking for your Life Partner, you can’t afford to explore dead ends, and it is important to get this information BEFORE you date them and get involved.

Sorting:

The process of quickly determining if a person you meet aligns enough with your Requirements. A successful single is able to initiate contact with people and get enough information within 5 minutes to know whether if someone has future potential, and if not, gracefully move on. If there is potential, the screening process would come next, where they get to know each other better.

Testing:

The process of verifying the information you collected during
screening, gaining KNOWLEDGE and EXPERIENCE that your requirements are
met and the relationship works for you before you become exclusive and
consider being a pre-committed couple. This process can take from 2
weeks to 6 months or more.

Unsolvable Problems:

Requirements or Needs that can not be met in this relationship. Four alternatives for coping with an unsolvable problem:

Live with it
Let go of the relationship (common)
Let go of the Requirement or Need (rare)
Compromise- give up part of what is important to you to meet in the middle (possible, but usually results in unhappiness without outside assistance). Most common reason for relationship failure.