Life Coaching with Tereasa Jones - Navigate the World of Relationships

Life Coaching with Tereasa Jones - Navigate the World of Relationships

Tereasa Jones

Couples

Galentine, Valentine, Selfentine?

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedin

Do you cringe when you think about Valentine’s Day? It’s okay. Many, even in healthy relationships, don’t love the pressure the holiday can bring. Roses, fancy dinner, romantic card? For singles, the day can be a reminder that they haven’t found a match or renews pain over a recent break-up. 

While Valentine’s Day likely hailed from a drunken fertility feast called Lupercalia in ancient Rome, it became much sweeter over time and morphed into what it is today thanks to Hallmark back in 1913 in their effort to get lovebirds to buy their cards instead of the traditional homemade cards that had been around since the Middle Ages. With the commercialization of Valentine’s Day, it seems every industry tries to capitalize on it, making the holiday sales top around $18 billion this year. Yes, that’s with a “b”.

Then there’s Galentine’s Day, which started based on the character Leslie Knope from Parks and Rec back in 2010 celebrating female friendship on Feb. 13th. Brands were quick to jump on this unofficial holiday as well. As a friendship coach, I love the idea of honoring your friends this week. Research shows that those with close friendships are happier and even live longer!

And yet…what if you are an introvert or you just don’t really want to celebrate by going out or having a bunch of people in?  My brilliant, lovely daughter, Jessica, who shares a lot of my introvertedness (new word!) gave me this idea about celebrating “Selfentine’s Day.” Those who are single celebrate “Single Awareness Day”(SAD, which isn’t an uplifting acronym, is it?) in lieu of Valentine’s and use the day as a treat yourself day, which is great, but the nice thing is you don’t have to be single to celebrate Selfentine’s Day! It’s a day to empower yourself to gift and give yourself the kind of day you would like, putting no pressure on a mate if you have one, or girlfriends – just you!

It might look like one of my favorite topics; extreme self-care. We each have our own preferences but here are some ideas to get you started.

  • Start this special day with treating yourself to a massage. Make it a good one, maybe splurge on a spa day.  You could add a facial, get your nails done, spend some time in the sauna or ice room.  Whatever you enjoy! (Even better you don’t have to make the day fall on Valentine’s Day – schedule it for Saturday or Sunday to give yourself more free time!)
  • Prepare your favorite dinner and set the table complete with candles and fancy dishes. Add soft music in the background and you have yourself a very nurturing environment for your Selfentine’s dinner. Take your time eating. Savor every bite.
  • Read a book for pleasure. Put away all those books and articles you’ve saved up for work, they are for another time. Find a nice comfy place to sit, with your favorite throw or blanket nearby, maybe a cup of tea or your favorite beverage, and indulge! Let yourself be swept away in the story you are reading – phone in another room so as not to get distracted.
  • Find a movie on Netflix or your favorite channel – guilty pleasure viewing. Put on your comfy PJs, stock your coffee table with Godiva and wine or buttery popcorn. Don’t hold back.
  • If the weather is cold where you live, build a fire in your fireplace, put some music on, and have a dance party in your living room! Crank. It. Up.
  • If the weather is warm where you live, go on a nature walk, breathe in the fresh air. Notice the wildlife and the landscape. Allow yourself to feel, really feel the appreciation for all that you are and all that you have.

As a life coach, the place that I begin is with YOU, the individual. Your dreams. Your personality. Your passions. It’s up to you! You can opt out of a holiday or even celebrate all three – Galentine’s, Valentine’s and Selftine’s. I’d love to see you share your activities with a fun post on Instagram with the hashtags #loveyourselfie and #selfentine. Remember to tag @coachedliving so I’ll find it easily. I’ll pick a winner on Feb. 15th to win a $10 Starbucks gift card.

They all begin in the same place – loving yourself first.  No matter which one you are celebrating, be sure to make it special. If you’d like to learn more about working with a life coach to navigate the journeys through love (all sorts), friendship and careers, contact me to find out more about one-on-one coaching and group coaching.

Happy LOVE Week!

 

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedin
Also posted in Communication, Friends, Life Coaching, Relationships, Singles | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

How Mindfulness Can Improve Your Focus

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedin

In a fast-paced world with countless distractions and demands on our focus, mindfulness and meditation have gained popularity. The most basic principles of mindfulness are about living consciously and paying close attention to the present moment. Because mindfulness requires a special level of attention, it may seem challenging for a person with ADHD to practice this form of meditation. However, research has shown that mindfulness, when adapted for ADHD, can improve focus and concentration.

#1: Single-Tasking

With the demands of modern living, multitasking has become the norm for many people. Unfortunately, multitasking often does more harm than good, resulting in memory problems, excess stress, and increased distractibility. Practicing mindfulness demands single-tasking and asks practitioners to focus on one task at a time. Slowing down and eliminating multitasking can increase your focus and your productivity.

#2: Stress Reduction

Stress often escalates when people get overwhelmed by present demands and future fears. Mindfulness asks that your attention remain in the present moment. Instead of worrying about the future, mindfulness brings your attention back to the present and allows you to focus on what’s in front of you. Mindfulness will help you redirect your thoughts away from future worries and anxieties so you can focus on the present. In addition, the improved focus you’ll get from single-tasking will help prevent you from getting overwhelmed and stressed by everything coming at you all at once.

#3: Improve Concentration

Other research has shown that mindfulness can help rewire your brain and create new neurological pathways. It has also been shown to increase grey matter in the brain, and that extra density can improve one’s overall psychological well-being. By rewiring your brain and creating new pathways through mindfulness and meditation, you’re helping yourself find new ways to cope with stress and handle tasks. This all means that you’ll be better equipped to deal with distractions, resulting in improved concentration.

At first, mindfulness may seem challenging. In fact, many new practitioners struggle with feeling that mindfulness has made them more distracted. This feeling is normal because mindfulness will initially draw attention to your propensity for distraction. Noticing your distractions is the first step in the process. With time, you’ll learn to recognize them and let them go so you can focus on the task at hand.

I hope you find these tips helpful. Watch for my group on planning that I will be rolling out sometime this summer.

NEED HELP? Set up a complimentary strategy session so we can talk about it HERE.

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedin
Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Boomers, Coaching, Cognitive Distortions, Communication, Decision management, Decision Management, Friends, Life Coaching, Procrastination, Relationships, Relationships, Singles, Time management | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Are You Ready To Take Control of Your Schedule? It’s Easier Than You Think!

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedin

Few things upset our lives more than a failure to plan. The Executive Functioning area of the brain is the part responsible for planning, so when there are challenges in this area, planning just doesn’t happen. A misfiring Executive Functioning area can hit people differently and affect the way they interact with the world. For example; people with ADHD have a different relationship with time than those without ADHD. I’ve heard my clients say there are only two times: there is “now”, and there is “never”. This means that if someone with ADHD doesn’t do something immediately, it will never get done.

Even though there can be lot of chaos in life for people who fail to plan, there are a few upsides as well. One is thrill of immediate gratification and being flexible enough to do whatever interests them at the time. Many of my clients in the past have avoided planning altogether for fear that they would “put themselves in a box” and then life would just not be pleasant and spontaneous. The ones who have embraced planning, however, have found the opposite to be true. If you plan out your time in advance, you will be more efficient. If you are more efficient, you will have more time to play.  True, some of the spontaneity is taken out of your life, but there will also be the relief you feel knowing the essentials of your day are taken care of.

In response to clients’ avoidance of planning, for fear they would be trapped or “in a box”, I developed a bit of a mantra. It goes like this: You can trade time, but you can’t steal it. This means that if you have a time set aside for one thing but you want to do another, you have to look at your schedule and decide what you are going to trade for that time. If I have blocked off time for writing, and I’m not feeling creative at the time, I can’t just blow it off. I have to find another block of time to move it to. Sometimes that block of time will end up being my free time. That really stinks, but I have to make a decision to either take my free time now and write later, or write now so that I can take my free time later. It really is pretty simple. I do, however, have to be honest here. I occasionally steal my time. Yep, I’ll admit to it. You will too. You don’t have to be 100% perfect on this. But if you aren’t at least 90%, your life will start to spin out of control.

After accepting that there is merit in planning ahead, the next step is to decide how to do it. I recommend weekly planning at the same time each week, with daily planning in order to fulfill your weekly commitments. Here are a few tips to get you started:

  • Decide on your planning tools. There are many out there and people have their own preferences. Personally, I use a digital calendar and a paper planner. Most people don’t differentiate between calendars and planners, but there is a definite difference. I’ll say more about that in a future post.
  • Know the difference between a “to do” item and a project. A “to do” item is usually simple and can be accomplished without multiple steps. A project will have many steps (or multiple “to do” items) in order to complete it.
  • Plan at the same time every week, and then adjust your plan every day.
  • Consider weekly planning on either Sunday or Monday morning to get your week started right.
  • Daily planning can be done either the night before or in the morning. I prefer the night before so that I don’t waste any time in the mornings. It also helps me get up and around because I already know what I am doing that day.
  • Block off spaces of time for each of the things you plan to accomplish. Be realistic and remember that people with ADHD tend to see time differently than others. Be sure and add extra time to your estimate to account for this tendency.
  • Find yourself an accountability partner. This could be a friend or a coach. I wouldn’t normally recommend a family member. Too often when a family member fills this role, it is seen as nagging, whereas with a friend or a coach, it is seen as reminding.
  • The last step is your daily review. Review at the end of your day how well your plan went. Note what went right and what went wrong. Make adjustments in your style accordingly.

I hope these tips help you. Watch for my group on planning that I will be rolling out sometime this summer. Planning is a skill. Skills take time and practice. If you are 10% better next week than this week, give yourself a huge pat on the back. It’s a process.

NEED HELP? Set up a complimentary strategy session so we can talk about it HERE.

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedin
Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Boomers, Coaching, Cognitive Distortions, Communication, Decision management, Friends, Life Coaching | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Unspoken Truths

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedin

Man and woman sitting on a chair

 

 JUST STEP OVER IT

     Few things can be as harmful to relationships as unspoken truths. Unspoken truths are those things that are really bothersome to us that we refuse to share with those we love. I hear unspoken truths often as I work with my clients. The things “not” said. These things I have been trained to listen for, but what about those of you who are not trained to “hear” these unspoken truths?

The unspoken truth is often felt rather than heard.

The husband says to the wife, “I’m working late tonight. Don’t wait up”. She feels uneasy and thinks, “Why is he not telling me where he is going or why he will be so late?” But, fearing conflict, she just lets it go (steps over it). The next day she is distant with her husband because she is still uneasy about last night’s situation. He realizes that she is distant, but not wanting to “rock the boat” he remains silent (steps over it).

A mother is talking to her grown daughter on the phone and the daughter says something to offend the mother. The mother lets it pass (steps over it) because she wants to have a good relationship with the daughter. Several times the next day the mother remembers what the daughter said and feels hurt all over again. The next time that they talk the daughter can tell that her mother is distant. She “feels” the distance. She says nothing (steps over it), however, not wishing to start a discussion that might lead into an argument.

Can you see how these things can lead to disconnection between the people involved? Every time we “step over” the unspoken truth we put distance between ouselves and those we love.

By the same token, we need to be careful in situations that might cause injury to those relationships we hold dear. I am not suggesting that we “confront” each other. I am not suggesting that you become the “unspoken truth police” with constant reminders to speak the unspoken truth. I am simply suggesting that it would improve our relationships immensely if we would take the time to collect our thoughts and then go back and speak our truths. If we do this often enough, we become quite good at it and then we can often speak our truths on the spot without much thought. It is all a matter of training ourselves to notice the unspoken truth, we make a decision about how to deal with the unspoken truth, and then act on that decision. Relationships are not usually harmed by the truth, but they are often harmed when unspoken truths pile up and assumptions are made.

Coaching Corner

An unspoken truth occurred between me and someone I care about just the other night. She said something that hurt my feelings. I stepped over it, feeling that it would do little good to say anything about it at that time. Now I have a choice to make. Should I call her and tell her that my feelings are hurt, and clear the air, or should I remain silent knowing that the relationship will remain strained if I don’t speak up? It is a difficult decision. It is one that I have not yet decided how to handle. The thing to notice here is that I am deciding. I am intentionally deciding how to handle it. I will, in the next few days, make a decision and proceed with it. Is the relationship worth me “putting myself out there?” I don’t yet know, but I will tell you that I will follow the same steps that I am about to outline for you in the Coaching Challenge. You see, even the coach is hard at work on these suggestions. It makes your life more peaceful and purposeful. I promise!!!.

Coaching Challenge

  • Get your journal out.
  • Think of a person that is important to you and write their name at the top of the paper.
  • Examine your innermost thoughts and feelings about your relationship with this person. Are there unspoken truths between the two of you?
  • Write out any unspoken truths you thought of. These can be on your part or their part. Is there anything between you that needs to be cleared up?
  • What would your relationship be like with this person if you cleared up the unspoken truths?
  • What will it be like if you don’t?
  • Is the relationship worth it to you? If so, go forward and clear it up, if not…just know that there will remain a distance between the two of you and move on.

 

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedin
Also posted in Communication, Friends, Relationships | Leave a comment
Tereasa Jones -
© 2018 Tereasa Jones. All rights reserved.

RCICertified    ICF    ACOmember    ICA_certify_AC    Webjpg

Site Designed by Integrity Design and Coding.